It’s Michael’s birthday. It’s hard not to think about him on this day each year. Some of us go out and celebrate, some throw on some tunes, some have a moment of remembrance, and others mourn all over again. But we’re all thinking of him. I wanted to update something today just to mark the day. So I uploaded a new wallpaper to the site as well as some new photos. You may have seen many of the photos before. Some of them may already be somewhere in the gallery. But the focus is the lovely thing that is Michael’s smile. Hopefully it will remain contagious for all of you.

Enjoy!

So, the Conrad Murray saga?  I really have been in two minds whether or not I want to touch on this – but I figure it’s a great big deal in the Michael Jackson fan community for the moment, it’d be a bit arrogant to gloss over it like it wasn’t going on.

My take on it is this; and feel free to agree or disagree. Michael Jackson wasn’t my entire life as some of my family and friends accused him of being (ha, Michael always got blamed for things that were out of his hands, didn’t he, lol) but it is fair to say that he was a very large part of my life. Like a best friend, I thought about him daily, I worried for him, I would listen to him, I took interest in things that he found interesting, shared his views, was inspired by him and even sometimes influenced by him. At the same token, I loved him dearly as I would a member of my direct family – this feeling I am sure a lot of fans can relate to. Sure, he wasn’t perfect, in fact he sometimes did things that I shook my head or rolled my eyes at – but no more annoying than an older brother with some shady idiosyncrasies. The short and long of it was that I loved Michael unconditionally.

Michael was removed from my life in what I’d almost deem to suggest, a brutal and shocking way. He was removed from many other lives in that same way. I’ve even ventured to share with others that I felt his loss as I would a member of my very own family. I still grieve for Michael most days. I still cry over him. I still feel overwhelmed by sadness and nausea when I think about the circumstances of his death. Again, I am sure many could relate to this feeling.

When I think of Conrad Murray, I feel a vitriolic sense of anger that could possibly be escalated to a blinding unfiltered rage. As I read a little of the transcripts, or the news reporting on it, that rage is quickly replaced by despair and a deep, deep sadness. Even if the doctor couldn’t control his temptation for money, he could have had the common human decency to call for professional help at the first sign of trouble. He was already doing the wrong thing by Michael and by his profession by administering the drugs illegally – he could have at least monitored him correctly. I feel this deep sadness because the reality is that if he had put Michael’s life as a priority after he realised there was issue, then Michael may just be alive today.

There is no justice in the death of Michael Jackson. Conrad Murray could go to jail for his entire life and still that would not be justice for Michael Jackson. I view drug abuse as an illness – a lapse of personal judgment, and an altered physical state. As a doctor Murray should have said no to him, he should have instead insisted upon getting Michael appropriate help. Michael is not to blame.

Ideally, Michael should never have had to seek out substances to help him relax and if he was treated like an actual human being and not a cash cow by just about everyone that came in to his life, he might have just had a fighting chance to get by without. Conrad Murray is a criminal. Michael Jackson needed help. Enabling Michael was a criminal act. As a professional, Murray’s job was to look after him. He neither looked after Michael’s welfare as a patient nor did he look after him when he administered the drugs. Regardless of if he intended to kill Michael or not is irrelevant (I happen to believe that he did not have that intention) – but it matters none because what is done is done.

My hero is dead. A man, a very irresponsible doctor still has his medical licence and tried to cover up his tracks.

I am not following this trial – in fact I am avoiding it. It seems Murray will probably only get a slap on the wrist. This is the same state where they sent an idiotic amount of cars to raid a possible paedophiles home. This is the same state where they gleefully told us that if Michael Jackson was found guilty of molesting Gavin Arviso, then he would be getting 50+ years in prison. This is the same state where Michael’s death was marked as a homicide and over a year and a half later this doctor is still practicing. If this doctor is found guilty, he will probably get a couple of years for manslaughter.

We can parade around and cry and scream and shout and try to get heard and demand justice until the cows come home, but until I see with my very own eyes Michael singing and dancing and telling us how much he loves us and back at home with his three beautiful children? … Justice will not be done.

Hey everyone! It’s been a little while since the last update and I apologize. It’s been busy, but I’d really love to keep this site open at the very least and updated when possible. I hope everyone has had a good 2010 and is feeling good entering the new year. It’s going on 6 years since this site officially opened, it makes me realize just how fast time flies. Anyone else want it to slow down a bit?

What do you think of the “new” album? I have a little bit of apprehension in calling it a new album because it really isn’t technically. If I were to compile an updated discography for Michael, I wouldn’t include “Michael” since he had nothing to do with it’s release. I wasn’t planning on buying it honestly, but it was given to me by my sister as an early Christmas present. It was a little strange looking through the song credits in the booklet and seeing Michael credited so little to his own songs. =(

I think my favorite on the compilation is “Behind the Mask.” Something about it reminds me of the early 90s when my MJ fandom was becoming more solid. The song just sounds very Michael-ish to me, the most for me out of any on the album besides “Hold My Hand.” The others, ignoring the debate about who is REALLY singing on some of those tracks (what are your opinions on that?), the production on some of them still have an absence of MJ’s touch.

It’s almost something that can’t be described. It’s like a half way there feeling, but not all the way? It may just be that feeling of knowing what the reality of things are.  I also felt that “Much too Soon” was an odd choice for the group. Although I enjoy listening to it, it just doesn’t fit. I heard “Do You Know Where your Children Are?” and that would have been a much better choice if they needed another song. Oh well, I’m sure this is just one of many new things they intend on putting out. I just read the album is doing well globally, which I guess is no surprise.

Was I the only one that didn’t care for the cover art? Felt it could have been way better. Looks like they tried to duplicate the dangerous album cover. Also, what’s up with having no images of him from the last decade? Lame!

Hoping to read your thoughts!

As a last gallery update for the year, I added some hot, and I mean hot, new photos from the Bad tour to the gallery. Even if you’ve seen them already, definitely worth another glance! Click here to take a look.

Anyway, happy New Year to you all!

I was looking around at some MJ news and I came across the press release of Sony’s new set of MJ short films on DVD called VISION. You can read up on it here. I know a lot of us don’t really care too much for Sony, but this is a good deal. Some of these videos have never been released on DVD and a lot of us have never seen them in high quality. Looks like it would be a great Christmas gift. If only they put them on Blu-ray! Will you be getting it?

Speaking of never before seen. What do you think of the “One More Chance” video? It’ll also be included in the video collection. It’s hard to believe that this was shot eight years ago. Time flies so quickly. I still remember reading about him filming, until the false allegations from those buttholes put a hold on everything. I love the reverse scenario, how the audience is watching him on the stage. I wonder if there’s a significance in that.

All this new and never before heard/seen Michael stuff almost makes it more difficult to process the fact that he’s not here anymore in the flesh. We miss him so much. I’m sure there is much more to come. What do you think of “Hold My Hand?” When I first heard it awhile back, I didn’t care too much for it, but this version sounds really nice. I think it came out well. Has anyone heard the recently leaked songs “Do You Know Where Your Children Are?” and “Much Too Soon?” They’re great, great songs!

Here’s the “One More Chance” video if you haven’t yet seen it!

Michael and Presley

How many of you guys watched Lisa Marie Presley’s  interview with Oprah last month? I don’t think Presley revealed anything in the interview that would be shocking to most Michael Jackson fans. We already knew they were seeing each other even after their divorce. We knew she was very happy while she was with him based on the smiles she wore that she normally doesn’t. We knew all of her harsh words over the last handful of years were out of anger and bitterness rather than the “indifference” she claims to have had toward him. She did say one thing that struck a chord with me though. When she spoke of how “intoxicating” Michael’s personality was and how happy she was to be around him. Maybe a big slap in the face to all of her partners after and before Michael, she said no one has ever made her feel as high as Michael did.

I’m sure many of us fans can know where she’s coming from whether or not you actually had the opportunity to be in his physical presence. Michael’s personality has always been an infectious one, you can see and feel it even in interviews. It’s what makes people so crazy about him. The pandemonium wasn’t just his music or his dance, it was Michael Jackson. Michael’s charisma affected everything and made it that much better. Even Oprah had to admit she wanted so badly to be his friend after her interview in 1993.  As his wife, I’m sure Presley got to see sides we didn’t all see, but it all stems from the same thing. His strong personality.

So after hearing that, I started thinking. I realized that Michael’s “intoxicating” personality is what got him in trouble sometimes. I think that became the basis for a lot of the problems he had with people in his life.

Too many times, the story went:

Michael meets X. After some time, X and Michael become great friends. Maybe X’s family gets to know Michael as well and they all enjoy each other’s company. X gets very comfortable and even proud of the notion that they’re now in some way, intimately involved with Michael Jackson. Who wouldn’t be?

Time passes and things change.

Michael and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Maybe X has now become protective of Michael to the point where they start trying to influence the decisions he makes in a way that Michael doesn’t accept. This doesn’t make X a bad person necessarily because we all want to protect those we care about, but it also doesn’t make Michael a bad person if he doesn’t want to listen to their input or accept their advice.

Michael is very used to doing things his way.

X doesn’t like that Michael is not listening to them or doing the things they want him to do. Michael doesn’t like that X is trying to have too much input in his affairs. Maybe X has also begun asking too many favors of Michael.

Michael distances himself from X.

X notices Michael distancing himself and doesn’t like it. X tries to reconcile, but nothing reconciles their relationship and changes it back to the way it was. X wants so badly to be in Michael’s circle again, but even with all of X’s efforts…it’s just not happening. So what now?

X turns bitter and decides to get back at Michael/get his attention by _____________.

How many names can we replace “X” with? The Chandlers. The Arvizos. Lisa Marie Presley. Corey Feldman. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach– maybe even some of Michael’s own family. Then we had those that weren’t even all that close with Michael, maybe former employees who found themselves fired. Bob Jones anyone?

How many actions can we fill that blank in with? Some of them were absolutely terrible things.

Michael and Bob Jones

Some of these guys are worse than others. I don’t want to put Presley in the same league as Janet Arvizo or Evan Chandler. But the cause of their rifts were all stemming from them becoming upset that they no longer had any importance in Michael’s life…or at least not the importance that they wished to have. It’s like the withdrawal from a drug you’d become dependent on causing you to do bad things to get it back.

Losing friends isn’t fun. Feeling tossed aside isn’t fun either. But at the same time, that’s life. You pick up the pieces and move on. You don’t make it a mission to ruin the person who hurt you or who didn’t give you what you (sometimes selfishly) wanted.

I realize no one is a saint, not Michael, not anyone. But for someone who never said a bad word about anyone (except maybe Tommy Mattola…haha!) in the press. For someone so benign and mild-mannered…the retaliations he got from people were so extreme. Why? They couldn’t get enough of him. Michael had stopped before they’d had enough. Unfortunately, it took MJ passing for them to finally admit he wasn’t as bad as they had made him out to be.

What do you think?

I felt a lot of conflicting feelings about this alleged new album. The biggest part of me felt like it was just $ony milking at the cash cow teet again, and with that sentiment, I was convinced I wouldn’t put any money in to it. On the flipside, a lot of that money also goes to MJ’s Estate, thus (and hopefully) going to his children. This part, I am not against – and in fact, I am quite sure MJ would want that. And I suppose, there is this illogical feeling somewhere in the abyss of my heart that tells me, “You’re allowed to buy this album, you loved Michael so much, you never saw him as a commodity, buy the album, it will make you feel closer to him again.”

Anyway, when I heard “Breaking News” .. I was so shocked that I couldn’t even allow myself to think about it. In fact, I tweeted with a thinly veiled promise that I would eat my hat if it really was Michael singing. Then I took it a step further — I would eat Michael’s hat if it were MJ’s lead vocals. And of course, being the little extremist that I am, I wagered that I would eat all the hats of the world if it were indeed, Michael. Thankfully (and regretfully, for some I am sure, who have been following me through with this) I am not yet at all convinced that it is him, so there has been no hat eating to date.

The whole saga has become a little emotionally taxing, I am sure most fans would agree. I don’t really know what to believe. At this point, I would put nothing past $ony and some of the shady people involved, but if it turns out that it is Michael, then the only way to explain the vocals is that it has been produced to absolute kingdom come. There are so many conflicting stories, Frank Dileo and Teddy Riley say it’s Michael, the people who recorded the song with him swear up and down that it was his leads, Sony say it is, but Michael’s family and thousands of fans claim it is not. Now MJ Star (not that we should believe anything they say, lol!) claim that MJ’s Estate will make a statement in regards to Breaking News very soon.

Admittedly, I have been so worked up about this album and this song that just reading everybody’s facebook rants and twitter messages has been taking it’s toll and I felt the need to deactivate my facebook to step away from the drama for a few days. And at this point? I’ve had enough, whatever happens, happens. (Oh look, two song puns in one sentence.)

And then when you think that the drama ends there, we had the airing of the Oprah Winfrey interview with Katherine Jackson yesterday. To be completely honest, I judged Katherine for doing this interview very prematurely. I felt like Oprah had been such a jerk in the past that it was hypocritical for any of the family members to be nice to her — however, as Vicky pointed out to me, Katherine would have been hard-pressed to find any high-profiled journalist or personality that has not at some stage, sold their soul and besmirched MJ’s good name.

I did watch the interview and despite Oprah being the pig that she always is, and not surprisingly was, (fancy asking Michael Jackson’s mother if she thought he was at any stage guilty of being a paedophile! Oh the rage, the fury!) I didn’t mind it. I cried of course, I am one of those losers who has no restraint on their emotions — but I found a new love and respect for the Matriach of the Jackson family. She seems so gentle in nature, I am sure this is where MJ’s heart came from — because let’s face it, he didn’t get it from steady-pimpin’ Joe.

All that aside, I drove myself to work today, playing my own silly variation of Australian Idol in the car — only every single show is “Michael Jackson week” – the rules are that I have to belt out Michael Jackson songs for the 5 minutes it takes me to leave home and arrive at my workplace — and the judging process? Well, Michael is the judge, and each show, I imagine him saying, “Hey, who sings the original of this song-oh, wait, it was me… how about we leave it like that…” … but one of the songs I ‘covered’ today was XSCAPE. And goodness knows how, but I actually managed to forget this song existed. I found it on a  home made “best of MJ” CD hiding in my glove compartment.

This was a song that didn’t make it on to the Invincible album. Goodness knows why, get rid of “Threatened” I say, or even “2000 Watts” and replace it with this bad boy. To those who were around the fan community back in 2002, you will remember that the leak of Xscape by someone who worked for MJ was probably one of the most exciting and positive things to happen all year. MJ’s camp scrambled to have it removed from all over the web, but still it exists in the back alley of all forum communities, youtube and other back entries and private areas — fans trading it quietly as if it’s a little piece of a black-market. Rightly so too, this song is brilliance and imo everyone should hear it. Of course, it sucks that it was leaked — especially since MJ had some apparent plans for it, and I can tell you for a fact, that all the fans who were whinging and complaining about it being leaked, were the ones who were spreading it to their nearest and dearest friends all over the web probably contributing to 80% of the problem!!

Around the same time, “If You Don’t Love Me”, “Monkey Business” and “What About Us” Demo was uncovered — not in as good quality as it is in recent times, but I developed a deep love for all of these songs. “If You Dont Love Me” brings me awesome memories of thrashing around in my best friend’s car in peak hour traffic in Sydney. It reminds me of two pensioners looking at me from their car window as I danced aggressively in my car while driving solo. And Xscape reminds me of one of the happiest years of my life before as I call it, the beginning of the end, occurred.

2002 was the year I decided that I was going to give up my home in Australia and move to London to follow Michael Jackson around at every chance that I got … and ultimately in my crazy mental universe, I was going to become his nearest and dearest friend and personal shit-kicker. Clearly this plan never came to fruition (for many a good reason) but… these songs, these leaks, they made me feel so much better than I know anything on this new “Michael” album is ever going to make me feel. Whatever I hear after his incredibly sad passing is going to just cement for me the fact that he is gone — and it is not without a perpetual broken-heart that I will listen. Similarly to how I feel whenever I turn “One More Chance” on. I love the song, it is beautiful, and it beautifully encompasses so many of my sentiments of how I feel about a lot of situations in my life — but all I think about is the day Neverland was raided the second time, almost ten years to the day of the first raid…. so I suppose, either way if Breaking News is Michael Jackson, the lyrics “they wanna write my obituary” will just deeply sadden me — I find it a little crass that they even had the guts to put that song out there given the lyrics.

Anyway, I am truly interested — what are some of the songs of Michael’s that mean a lot to you? What lyrics of the song, and what memories are attached to them for you? It’s nice to have a share and remember our memories because of Michael (whether or not they are related to him). Alternatively, if you feel like you want to share your sentiments about this new album, please do so — remember to be kind to one another.

We’re going to try using this space to share our thoughts and opinions about Michael and the things still surrounding his name today. Not that we think our thoughts are so amazing that you all should be forced to read– we actually like to encourage a conversation. At the same time, periodically we’d like to update with some pictures or graphics to add to our archive. Speaking of, the gallery has been updated with a small handful of new photos. Check them out.

Watch this space!

Dear Michael,

You made me feel important and honored in your presence, like no one else for that moment mattered to you. You extended your hand to me and squeezed it and caused my heart to flutter with more feelings than I ever knew that I held in my possession.

No one had ever made my knees weaken, my hands tremble, think carefully before expelling each word from my lips. You made me feel worthy and as beautiful, no one had as much effect on me in that respect at the time, as you did.

I’ve never experienced someone with the eerie ability to steal the coherent thoughts from my mind with a soft, deep gaze. No one else could possibly have made me feel the way you did during those precise moments.

No one living has ever been able to teach me the things that you have instilled in to me for almost my entire life, indirectly. I would never have the morals and values that I withhold now if it weren’t for your influence.

You made me smile and you made me laugh. Your ideas and thoughts and ways of expressing them leave me feeling nothing short of touched. You gave me a little bit of security about myself, and I’ve seen you as nothing less than a safe-haven for me for so many years.

Your presence seemed to shelter me from all the stupid insecurities I felt as a teenager and young adult that sometimes felt as though it was dramatically piercing me to the core. You enabled me to drift away, to “xscape”, to help me forget everything for a moment and just bask in the bliss of the magic that you created.

You amazed me. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it, hopefully for the rest of my life. Somehow, you managed to uplift me just by the sound of your voice, gracefulness of a move, a gesture, a facial expression or by a spoken word.

You made me understand that I could be whatever I wanted to be if I truly believed I was worthy. You left me feeling as though I could accomplish anything, as though there’s no dream too big or too small.

But it turns bittersweet.

Sometimes I felt that you would have been lost without the adulation, though I know you wouldn’t be you without the ways that other people were so quick to taunt or tout as strange. I know that you wouldn’t never have been happy without the lifestyle in which you’ve grown accustomed to. But sometimes, I felt like I was (and not only myself alone but also, the hundred thousand others too) more of a hindrance than a help. I feel that maybe one day you could have found normalcy without us.

But I have to believe I’m wrong and that you loved us every bit as much as you told me you did, as you told others you did – as you showed us by inviting us places with you (shopping, award shows, concerts, visiting places) and by taking the time to meet us and give us the time of day that most stars or your caliber wouldn’t think to.

You have helped so many of us in so many ways and you will never ever get a chance to know exactly how much. The fact that you remain unacknowledged for the time you spend helping others, really pierces me and hurts me as it probably did, you. The fact that you were constantly the brunt of every joke, every weak pun makes my blood boil. The fact that people kept accusing you of hurting them, physically, mentally and emotionally always hurt me as much as I am sure it did, you.

I hated the name-dropping, the name-calling. I hate that you were hurt, used, ridiculed, dismissed, abused, unloved and not recognized for the heart that you seemed to be wearing upon your sleeve. I hated that I couldn’t stop it and I sometimes hate that I care so much.

Michael, I hope truly that people will see you for what you truly were rather than what they conceived you to be at the hands of entertainment. I hope they will find out about all the incredibly kind things you did for us, the fans, about the millions of undocumented money you gave away to charity without public attention. I pray Michael, that the world will see you without the ironic rose-coloured glasses that has jaded them about you for so many years. It is my hope that your life will be justly celebrated and once again that you will unify your thousands of supporters one last time.

Was it too much to take? It was time to go, Michael, God called for you — a little earlier than we all anticipated, but it’s time and I’m trying not to let myself be so consumed by grief that I am unable to celebrate your life and praise God for all that you did.

I suppose it was your last and final heartache. So you are now closer to the ever glorious Kingdom of Heaven, and you are surrounded by all the angels and saints who have been dearly watching over you and keeping you the dignified, honest man that you have always been. Watch over your children as we pray for them daily.

Michael, I will praise God that I was lucky enough to be able to tell you about what a wonder you were in my life, but I am unsure you were truly able to fathom how much your influence in my life helped me. I need you to know that I never ever expected to feel such a sense of love as I did in that when I met you, that you moved me, and made me feel like I could do anything. And Michael? You made it easy for me to remember the happiest day of my entire life.

I will never forget the last words you ever spoke to me the last time I saw you just a few years ago. I told you I loved you and that I was praying for you – that I would always see you through. And with a slight smile on your face while you squeezed my hand tightly, you said, “God bless you, thank you, I love you too.”

And Michael? Nothing has changed, I am still praying for you – I am praying for you every single day.

I’ll always, always have a special place for you in my heart.

I just can’t believe you’re gone.

“You’re beautiful, you’re wonderful, incredible I love you so…

Hey visitors. Following the current web trend, Steady-Laughing.com now has a twitter. Follow us and we’ll send out tweets when we update this site. Tell your fellow MJ friends too!

Oh, and we’ll follow you too!

See you on twitter!

http://twitter.com/steadylaughin

(we had to drop the ‘g’ because it was already taken!)